This last week has been a rather heavy one. I've lately been in the mind-set that love is excruiating, painful, and aching -- isn't it? I suppose not entirely - love is supposed to bring happiness, at least that's what they say. And I know that it does. But for some reason this past week I decided that love equals heartache, and I don't want (or can't handle) any of that right now. I'm too afraid of the bad to take the risk for the good.
Why am I this way? Here are a few factors (however ridiculous they may be):
I rented season four of Felicity on DVD (don't laugh). I loved that show when I was in college, and I was abroad during the last season. Despite a friend's willingness to tape all the episodes I would miss, I never got fully caught up and have never had closure. Now I'll finally know who wins - Ben or Noel?! Season 4 starts with the end of summer. Ben and Felicity have been together, though Ben spent the summer away and Felicity spent all her time with Noel. Needless to say, there's lots of drama between the 3 of them that's tough to watch. I think watching back-to-back episodes (vs waiting a week between) really allows you to see and remember each painful moment that Ben and Felicity have to work though. Just when you think things are good and they can move on, something else happens that pushes them apart again. Why can't things just work out?
Factor #2: One thing I always liked about shows on the WB was their excellent music placement - perfect for the moment, and often lesser-known musicians - just what I like. The music from Felicity is no exception. On one episode, during a gut-wrenching Ben-Felicity situation, the song they used added such intensity to the scene that I had to find it. Blue Parade - Sarah Slean. It's been on repeat over the last week. Which brings us to the final factor.
Factor #3: B brought me a book he thought I'd like - True Love by Robert Fulghum (he doesn't sound familiar? How about All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten?), stories of love told to and by the author. I've been reading it on the metro during my commute, while listening to Ms. Slean. Music is amazing. It can really heighten emotions and intensify the impact of the subject matter. I found myself near tears on the metro while reading of love and heartbreak, and listening to Sarah sing about it. Agh!
The good news: I think I'm getting past this funk. I'm nearly done watching Felicity, I'm done with the book, and I found a new band so I can put Sarah on the back burner for awhile. Whew. True love - bring it on.
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